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Freak Out Moments

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a horrible type-A perfectionist when it comes to school work. I am on top of everything to a crazy, paranoid degree. I do not turn in late work, anything that is not an A is a reason for me to cry, and I have beautiful notes.

For me, grad school can be summed up by this meme:

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Although, I tend to like the work that I do and most of my panicking leads me to success. And all of that success tends to be very satisfying.

Last week, a professor emailed me saying that they had never received the paper that I had turned in two weeks ago and to get it in as soon as possible, but I knew I had turned it in! So, I spent the next 3 minutes panicking and collecting evidence that I had turned it in on time, I had shared it on GoogleDocs, and I hadn’t touched the document since a few hours before it was due. I emailed the professor back with all of this evidence, telling him that I panicked for a second, and apologizing for any inconvenience I may have caused him for turning it in the way I did.

Meanwhile, I texted my partner while I was practically in tears, telling him about this and what the professor said. My partner, the rational one between the two of us, could see that this was not a big deal, that I had the evidence of my assignment being turned in, and that I am a generally trustworthy student and my integrity on this issue would probably not be in question.

On the other hand, this caused me to frantically theorize about what would happen if the professor did not accept my assignment (even though I was 99% sure that it was a non-issue). In my day dream (day nightmare is more like it!), he did not accept my paper, causing my overall grade in the class to drop by 20%, causing my first non-A in grad school, causing me to be put on academic probation and ultimately kicked out of my program.

The point of this? We all panic! It’s a completely human part of our nature. We all overreact. I need to realize that every once and a while it is okay, but I also have to work on pulling myself back into reality.

And to the professor who emailed me about my late assignment? I am very, very sorry for panicking.

 

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