Bloody Sundays

Some weekends you need to be productive. You need to hide from everyone, lock yourself in your room (or a coffee shop if you are like me and can’t study at home), and get down to business. Other weekends, you need to have drinks with your friends, watch Netflix, do some sort of fun craft, and pretend that you don’t have obligations.

And then there are the weekends that are somewhere in between, like this one. The weekends where you think yes, it is OK if I drink a bloody mary while doing my work. After all The Masters is on, so, it is a celebration. No, I don’t like golf, but it still counts if I have it on in the background, right?

My fail of the day was making the bloody mary, though. When I went to go make one, I noticed that I had no more bloody mary mix or at least none that was drinkable (I don’t drink them very often, so, this shouldn’t have been a shock). Desperate and still wanting a bloody mary without having to change out of my pajamas, I began to dig through cupboards, where I found Bloody Mary Pickles. The juice in it, although pickle-y, was still close enough to bloody mary mix that I made one with it. It was good and if you are out of mix, I would highly recommend it.

Why is it so hard to stay productive these days? I think a lot of it has to do with feeling low because I don’t have a thesis topic. It scares me to think that I this topic will be my life and define my research and perhaps define my pathway to PhD programs.

How does someone choose a thesis topic?! I’m lost. Someone once told me that when I heard the right topic, I would just know; it would just “click.” Well, it hasn’t and it’s getting too late for an idea to just “click.” I have ideas. I have lots of little, not-very-well-thought-out ideas. But that’s all I got. Every time I try to articulate my ideas into well thought out ideas it looks kind of like “I’m very interested in A, B, and C. A does not connect to B or C, but it could connect to D, which is only slightly on my radar. I cannot explain A, I am interested in it because I can’t explain it. But I got B. B connects to nothing and I only have access to two articles that slightly relate to B because the resources in our library suck and it takes too long to do an interlibrary loan. If I do an interlibrary loan, I probably won’t be interested in B by the time I get that article.” Theses are hard!

Every time I try to write anything these days, it looks like:


Someone gave me a brilliant idea last week though. She told me to think of my thesis like it’s a boyfriend. Put the time into it when I need to, treat it like crap when I want to, and break up after the defense. (Don’t worry, I treat my partner better than that.)

I just have to keep telling myself: Nobody quits in April.


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